Hi Guys,
I hope you are all well and that you had a good week! Sorry I haven't been blogging much. The past week has been the toughest week I have had in a long time. I have had some hard decisions to make and I have had a lot of thinking to do. Some days I didn't even want to leave my bedroom, I just wanted some space. Just when I thought things were looking up for me, it seemed like things took a turn for the worse. Usually I would let a bad week turn into a bad fortnight and that into a mad month, but not this time. I believe that everything happens for a reason, that you can't hit your high moments until you reach your lowest point. In turn look at this as a good thing. If you do have a bad day/ week or month, the next day is your fresh start. You can learn from what happened and move on. Everything happens for a reason, I know at the time it doesn't seem like it but in the end everything will come together for you. For this week's Motivational Monday, if you have a bad day, remember that it has happened for a reason, take note of what you have learned and stay positive! Em x
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How cute is Coco? She is having some fun in the sun! On such a fab day like today, get your glass of iced tea, chill out the back and take a minute to think of just four things which you are grateful for. This little activity always helps me to sit back and focus on what is happening now and what makes me happy. It does not have to be deep thoughts or big things like a car that you are grateful for, think small first. For example you can be grateful for the sun, for a day off, for spending time with your family etc., whatever makes you happy take a note of it so on a day that you are feeling down and negative thoughts won't leave your head, you can look back on the things that you are grateful for, that make you happy and turn your negative thoughts into positive ones! You will be amazed at how taking down four things you are grateful for each day will help you to see the positive side to every situation. Here are my four things I am grateful for today:
Now it's your turn! Let me know how you get on! Love, Em x When we think of exercise, people automatically think of diets, body building and big scary gyms, of the physical changes exercise has to your body. What we don't think of is the impact it has on our well being and mental health.
When I am feeling at my lowest I am constantly exhausted, fighting really hard to stay awake during the day, which in turn often leads to me napping during the day meaning I can't sleep properly at night. It is a never ending circle, which can often lead you to feeling worse. I spoke to both my counsellor and doctor about my sleeping habits and lack of sleep. They both encouraged me to try some exercise. I started exercising in small amounts at the start. Whenever I would start to feel really tired during the day or I felt anxious and panicky I would go for a walk for 20 to 30 minutes. Within a week I began to see a difference. I had a little bit more energy, I was not napping as much and I was sleeping slightly better. I quickly got into a routine and exercised for longer periods of time every day. With this new routine I noticed I was in better form and my panic attacks were happening less frequently. I feel so refreshed and relaxed afterwards. It allows me to escape everything and all of the thoughts running around in my head. It gives me something else to focus on. So try it and write down how exercise makes you feel and if it helps your thoughts and your mood. For tips on how to get started and how to make exercise fun check out the Mind, Body and Soul section :) I can't wait to hear how you get on, Em x In the wise words from Leo and Stitch, family means that nobody is left out or left behind. It is very common for people to feel left out in families, especially when the family is a big family or if there is more than one child in the family. Even in the tightest and closed of families, sibling rivalry and jealousy is unfortunately extremely common in today's society. Whether your family consists of your parents, your other half, your children, your grandparents or your extended family, for some people cannot help how they feel. For myself, for many years I have compared myself to my younger sister and thought that I wanted to be like her. In a weird way I almost looked up to her. In the back of my head I always knew that both of my parents loved us both equally, that they would do anything for the both of us and that we are a tight family unit that come together when life gets tough.
I don't know what started these feelings and thoughts that I was the odd one out or that I was left out, but from counselling and expressing my feelings with my family, I can now see that I was always loved. That these feeling of isolation was just in my head. That I had focused on every tiny idea to make a case that I was the odd ball in the family. For many years, this did put a strain on my relationship with my sister and my parents, which made me believe in these crazy thoughts in my head. It is only recently from sharing these thoughts with my family that we have become even closer. That they are understanding my mental health issues and the thoughts and situations I have been thinking and putting together in my head all these years. I had avoided the conversation with my family for months. I knew how it sounded and how my feelings could hurt my parents. The rational side of my brain knew that these thoughts were just the imagination running wild in my brain, that my parents gave us both equal opportunities, but for some reason the rational side of me wasn't enough to shake away these feelings. Speaking to the family I am more aware of how my anxiety works. I can pin point areas that before I would have made into even bigger situations for myself and worried about for months on end. Family is the most important group that you will ever be apart of. As I said, no matter who is in your family and what your idea of family is, cherish every single day you have with your family. If you feel low, down, like you are being left out or that a situation did not fit right with you then address your family straight away. Do not do what I did and keep things to myself, and let them manifest for years which made the situations in my head ten times worse then they actually were. Once your family life is in a good place, the rest should fall into place. I don't look at what has happened to me as a burden, it has brought me a lot closer to my family and has made me realize how lucky and grateful I am to have a crazy bunch of people I can call my family and my rocks. If you have ever felt the same way I did or you have similar feelings now, don't be afraid talk to your family but remember they are there to love and support you, even if you can't see that right now, you will soon. For people witnessing their family members feeling like this, I know it is difficult but try not to get angry or upset. They know you love them as much as you love the rest of your family, however they are struggling to see it, that is not your fault or theirs, they just have to find the positive side to life again, be patient and they will soon become their-selves again. Em x Even if you have a tough day, weekend or week, every day is a fresh start. Forgive yourself with what ever happened, whether it was an argument you were in, a down day you had, a negative thought or anything else that was negative for you. We all go through rough patches, but once you let go of the past you can begin again and what better day to start fresh then on a Monday. Think positive and relax, what will be will be.
x Straight away after I uploaded my story up here on Wednesday, I started to doubt myself. I started to doubt who I am, what I stand for and how much I have achieved. I was so anxious all day and I started to really pick on myself. I know it sounds silly but everything I said or did to my friends and family that day I was paranoid that I said the wrong thing, that I hurt people's feelings and that I let them down. I really hated my own reflection that day. Everything about myself just made my skin crawl, I felt like I didn't know the person staring back at me in the mirror.
I started to think back on the last few years. With my sister half way through her Leaving Cert exams, I am reflecting on four years ago when I left school. I keep thinking of where I wanted to be, what I wanted to do and what I had hoped to achieve. Unfortunately life in the big bad world has not been as easy or as direct as what I thought it would be. In sixth year, everyone had to write their hopes and dreams for their future. I know we can't predict the future and I know to some people reading this you might be thinking to yourself ' it was four years ago get over it', but for some reason I can't. I feel disappointed in myself. I feel like I have let myself and my family down. I did complete a Travel and Tourism management Course and received great grades, I have worked in some of the top hotels in Ireland and I have had some amazing experiences, but the one thing I haven't had in quite some time is my health and happiness and that is what is what upsets me the most. The fact I feel like this makes me so angry. I am so angry at myself for feeling like this. I have an amazing family who have been with me every step of the way, I have met the love of my life and I have met a handful of amazing friends who I am truly blessed to have by my side, so why am I still feeling like this? I feel so guilty for feeling like this, there are people who are in worse off situations than me and I feel like this. It wasn't until today when I realized it was OK to have these feelings. To feel upset and disappointed in myself for a short period of time. To be unsure of where this journey, we call life, is going to take me. The most amazing part is that it took my 14 year old cousin to make me realize just how incredible my life experiences have been so far. Imagine how silly I felt, my little cousin with the mind of a 40 year old, had to talk sense into her 21 year old cousin! She mentioned that she looked up to me. Me? Of all people. I haven't traveled the world, graduated with a masters, bought my own house or become president for that matter, but this young, smart and beautiful young girl looks up to me. Right then all of those doubts about myself were knocked down a few levels and I smiled a little bit. For the first time in a few months I cracked a natural genuine smile. For those of you who know someone fighting similar battles to me on a daily basis, keep doing what you are doing for your loved ones, just be there. It is almost impossible for people with mental health issues to see how great they are, how much they have achieved and how much they have changed your life for the better. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for people to see their loved ones doubting themselves, but a simple compliment a day will help crack down those negative walls around your loved one. It will take time but it will help. You never know, your next compliment you give them might be the one to make them smile. For those of you going through these issues, don't be so tough on yourselves. The world is difficult enough without us doubting ourselves. How can we progress and achieve our goals if we don't treat ourselves with the respect we deserve? So I am giving you all a task, one which I am going to do myself. We must all look in the mirror and compliment ourselves once a day, everyday for the next week. Each day try to come up with a new thing to be proud of and keep a note of your achievements and the things you like about yourself. Soon you will begin to recognize that person staring back at you in the mirror again. Let me know how you get on, Em x Hey :) below I have shared one of many videos of Eckhart Tolle. Eckhart is a spiritual teacher and author in whom has help me on my journey. He helps people find inner peace and greater fulfillment in their lives, I have not come this far yet but hope one day to be in complete peace, let me know what you think... Ni
x "If things go wrong don't go with them."-Roger Bobson.
Even when you feel so low and down, don't let one bad day turn into a bad week. We all have down days, it is what makes us human. Just remember that one bad day does not mean your life is going to be bad. |
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This page is to keep you all up to date on where I am on my journey, what I am up to and general chat! Archives
April 2018
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