Well hello everyone!!
It's been a very very long time since my last post, I actually can't remember when was the last time I posted! It's been so long that people have been asking if I have stopped blogging, and the answer is a definite NO!! The truth is is that this summer has been so monumental for me in so many ways. Although it has brought about amazing so many changes for me, it has also been a very tough and testing few months. Although i have and still intend to write about how I get through both the ups and downs in my life, one thing that has really shook me is my Nana falling ill, which although it breaks my heart every time i think about how she was in comparison to how she is now, I'm not the only one who is effected by her being poorly, therefore it isn't my lace to talk about the situation. All I will say is that it has been a very difficult few months trying to adjust to lots of change regarding my Nana, a change which is taking us all some time to get used to. However, each day is a new day, she has some bad days but she has her good days too, and it's these days that we as a family are trying to enjoy every single minute. That's all I will say about the situation for now, I just wanted you guys to know that I haven't been quiet because I wasn't bothered, it was simply because the things that were causing me anxiety and pain weren't only my situations to deal with, but I am trying to deal with them the best I can. Although the past few months have proven to be some of the most difficult we as a family have dealt with, they have also been some of the most exciting times we have experienced, especially for myself and Mark. As you guys probably seen, we have moved into our own little home. Although we have been engaged for over 18 months and are planning our wedding, it took us some time to find a place that was not only affordable but that we could really imagine as ours. To say it is an exciting time is a huge understatement, however with huge change comes high stress and anxiety levels. It wasn't just the move itself that I found stressful, it's been the daily things like going to work while cooking, cleaning and making time to enjoy it all at the same time, it's the things that we both 100% took for granted when we were living with our parents that we almost expect to be done and forget to do. The first week was like a holiday, the next week was hard to adjust and this week was a lot easier to deal with. Although we are both so happy and we really feel like home already, my anxiety the past few days has been creeping back in. Although it isn't extremely bad, I know myself when it is creeping back into my life. At first I presumed it was because I wasn't at home and despite how much we really wanted to move out and start our own life together, I miss mam, dad and Katie. However, it was only the other night when mam came over for tea and chats, when I realised that I was feeling anxious because everything is new and I almost didn't know how I should be or what the hell I was doing. In every house, each person, without realising has their place and role in it so to speak. For 23 years i lived in the same house, with the same people and without realising, I had my own place and role. Despite the fact that I am so happy to be moving on with my life, for a minute i doubted myself. It was all new to me, I didn't know how I should be or what I should do. Things that I knew how to do, I started to doubt myself. I freaked out and panicked, but when mam was over and we were sitting down and catching up, I felt so relaxed, content and comfortable, I knew I was exactly where I need to be right now. I realised that for once that anxious feeling isn't so bad, if anything it's a mixture of nerves and excitement. For once, instead of fighting the anxiety, I am going to embrace it and try to channel it into each day. As well as that, I have fallen back into bad habits and fallen out of the good ones that I have picked up over the past few years, instead of beating myself up about it, I am just going to take each days as it comes, and try to find the right balance between my old life, my new life and living in the moment. It's not going to happen over night, but I'm not in any rush, it will all one day come together, and for once i truly believe that! SO guys, that's all from me for now. I know it's short and sweet, I just wanted to touch base with you all and let you know that I am BACKKK and I'm certainly not going anywhere! ON that note, happy Friday and we will talk real soon, I promise not to wait as long to blog ext time! Love as always, Em XX
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This page is to keep you all up to date on where I am on my journey, what I am up to and general chat! Archives
April 2018
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