Hi Guys and happy Saturday! I hope you all had a good week and are having an even better weekend! I'm off tomorrow, so I have the Friday feeling today and I can honestly say that the end of the week felt like a lifetime away. The week hasn't been what can be called a steady one, it's had lots of highs, visiting the hotel for our wedding, having a daddy daughter day with dad and a view WOW moments in work. However, on the other hand it also hasn't been shy on some low moments too, one or two bad days in work, low moods and lots of tears. I have always said how scary it is how quickly we forget the good moments the second something negative happens, for intelligent and (usually) caring species, we really are not kind to ourselves! I don't know about you, but for me as soon as there are any signs of anything going wrong or my moods being low, I automatically jump to conclusions and 9 times out of ten, allow the situation to explode in my mind, making things seem much worse than they actually are. For example, this week my emotions were a little bit of a toddler, completely unpredictable with absolutely no clear or reasonable explanation. One minute I was crying on Mark's shoulder, the next I was laughing so hard that my abs (yes I was shocked they were there too!) were in agony. One evening after a quite successful day in work, as soon as I walked in the door, I just felt a wave of sadness take over me and as quick as a click of the fingers I burst into tears. I honestly couldn't and still can't tell you why. Lately I have been getting better at pin pointing I am feeling a certain emotion, and I have been finding CBT extremely helpful in allowing me to just let an emotion happen, sit with it and not let it effect my day. However, this particular evening, I just couldn't seem to find what was causing me to be so upset ( and crazy, sorry Mark!). Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, it's just hormones!! Nothing serious, nothing out of the ordinary just regular HORMONES!!! As soon as I realised that, I started to laugh to myself, proving just how (even more) crazy they can make you. Just two months ago, as soon as I was feeling like that I would have feared that I was going backwards, as if one bad day automatically mean't that I was right back to the beginning of my journey. Some may think that it is the drama queen in me, which there's no denying the fact that I definitely claim first prize for that, however it is just about knowing yourself and growing up, As kids we were always asked are you ok? The answer was always either yes or no, the question "Are you happy or sad?" also gives you the impression that you can only ever be one or the other, that there is no in between. For me as a kid, I was always in search for the the magic key to constant happiness, and I am ashamed to say that it has taken 24 years for me to realise that there is no such thing, we are not robots, we have feelings which can range from extremely happy, extremely sad and ANYTHING in between. The world would be a boring place if it was as black and white as just being happy or sad. Unfortunately though, this isn't explained to children (well at least it wasn't during my school years in my day!), and as you all know, our younger years are our most important as it is what shapes us as people, our views, opinions and personalities. It sounds like common sense, of course we all have a range of emotions, however we all strive to be always happy, which is impossible! However, it doesn't mean that we have to go around being sad all of the time either, no! It means that we have to be ok with all emotions and feelings and not letting our feelings take over as they are just that, feelings, and feelings come and go. You have to be ok with the good, the bad and indeed, the in between. For instance, the other evening when I was feeling a little bit (ok a LOT) emosh, I had to stop myself from jumping to conclusions, before I knew it I had myself back to the doctors, on higher medication and jobless! The whole point is this, one bad day doesn't mean that the days that follow are going to be bad. You need to see a feeling for what it is, recognise why you are feeling like that but don't judge it. Let the feeling live for a bit but don't act on it, just sit with it and then watch it leave just as quick as it came. By not acting on it, you are not giving the feeling power over you, you are not letting it fester and develop into something bigger. Once again, I know this all seems like common sense but as one wise man once said " Common sense is not so common", and I have to say I agree with Voltaire. Sometimes it is the things that seem so simple that can take us a long time to get our heads around. For me reading up on and practicing CBT has made this a lot easier to understand and indeed has made life a lot easier. The fact I was able to stop myself from having, what would have been an unnecessary breakdown fueled purely on fear and utter panic, really showed me how far I have come, however I am not saying that I stop myself from all negative thoughts, but let's just say I am finally learning to take the good with the bad, and indeed everything else in between. So to finish up, the week was one with some really high moments, some low moments and moments which were quite ordinary, making the week overall a good one. Talk to you all soon. Love as always, Em X
1 Comment
Janice mcgrath
10/1/2017 11:24:04 am
Emma, you are an amazing, beautiful young woman. You should be so proud of yourself. You are doing great.
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This page is to keep you all up to date on where I am on my journey, what I am up to and general chat! Archives
April 2018
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