Hi Guys! I hope you're all having a good week so far! As some of you may know, I was away for a weekend in the fabulous Newcastle in the UK celebrating Mark's birthday! As we are saving for the wedding and getting our own place, we decided not to go on a big holiday together this year. There are a lot of family celebrations coming up this year so we decided to try to just focus on saving as much as possible. As easy as that sounds, it hasn't exactly been an easy couple of months for us including my Mental Health among other things, so when it came to his birthday I decided that it was time for a little city break, just the two of us and it was just what the doctor ordered! We had an amazing time, discovering the city, relaxing and slightly spoiling ourselves with fancy restaurants and of course shopping, but sure you have to treat yourself now and again right? Although I was looking forward to the break, the week leading up to it was quite a tough week for me personally and between one thing and another, I just felt like I had so much to do with such little time, which led to my stress level being a solid 15 out of 10! Once we got to the airport, I started to relax and by the time we were leaving Newcastle, I was quite relaxed and have been since. However, despite the fact that I was enjoying myself and starting to feel relaxed, I couldn't help but feel really low in myself regarding my body and image. No matter what I was wearing, no matter how much effort I put into my hair and makeup, each night I just felt awful. The funny thing was that once I was ready to go out, I felt well however as soon as a photo was taken I felt disgusting. There's no other word to describe how I felt because in every photo of myself that I was shown, from my head right down to my toes there wasn't one thing that I saw that I actually liked. It was the opposite, I picked out all of the things that I didn't like, which was a lot. As each night passed, Mark got very very annoyed with my. Not only was he angry that I was treating him almost like a photographer, but he was frustrated that after taking 40 photos of the exact same outfit and pose, that I still was upset, none of them were nice in my eyes. He kept saying that there was nothing wrong with the photos, that they were all perfect and that he didn't know what I wanted him to do because all he was doing was taking a picture of me, that's what I looked like. This made me even more upset because I really didn't like what I saw in the pictures, and to think that they show exactly what I look like, what the world sees, well I just felt disgusting. Since I was a kid, I always had low self esteem and barely any love for myself. I've always been on some sort of 'diet' to try to get a 'better' body. I've always put pressure on myself to try to look a certain way. I've always been jealous of my friends who are a smaller size than I am. The way I look, or more to the point the way I don't look, has always been a problem for me, especially in recent years with selfies and filters, the amount of pressure on everyone to take the "perfect picture" is multiplied by 100! I know for some people the thought of taking the perfect picture seems ridiculous, however it is something that I know it can really effect someone. When I'm on social media looking through posts, I often find myself comparing myself to others resulting in me feeling not good enough. No matter what I have tried in the past, I haven't been able to shake these negative feelings about myself, if anything I made myself feel even worse. After Newcastle, I decided that enough was enough, it's not healthy to constantly talk down about yourself or hate yourself. Of course this isn't something that will change overnight, there isn't a switch that you can flick and you will instantly love yourself. I'm on my own journey of finding myself and discovering who I am, which is really difficult to do if you are constantly comparing yourself to others. So I've decided to take each day as it comes and to tackle each of my insecurities one at a time. The first is how I feel about my appearance. I have decided to set myself a 40 Day Selfie Challenge; I am beautiful selfie challenge, which you can all join in. The challenge is to take a picture of yourself, no filters, just one picture, whether you are dressed up or just out of work. You have to pick one thing you like about yourself in this picture. I have already started my challenge and posted a few of them. I'm not going to lie, I am finding it difficult to do, but each day I take a picture and each day I have found something I like. You guys don't have to share your selfies on line however if you do don't forget to tag me and use the hashtags #40dayselfiechallenge #Iambeautifulselfie #holdonthepainends , I'd love to see them! As I mentioned above, it is a difficult thing to do especially at the start of the challenge because for me, I would usually take 40 selfies to get one half decent one. The idea behind this challenge is to realise your that it is ok to like yourself, it doesn't make you vain, however I truly believe that the more you start to respect and be kind to yourself,life in general starts to become that little bit easier. I posted my first few selfies, however I didn't want to keep posting them up everyday because I started this challenge for me, I want to keep some of them private. Although I took them every day, I wanted to put some up together so you can see that the way you see yourself can change every day, with each selfie, but that doesn't mean we have to be cruel to ourselves. If we even find one good thing in ourselves and in every day, it becomes easier to be yourself and to be truly happy. So guys, there's a few of my selfies which you haven't seen. I am still doing the challenge, and I will post a selfie now and again! Feel free to join in, it's never too late to start your journey to self acceptance and above all self love!
Love as always, Em xx
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This page is to keep you all up to date on where I am on my journey, what I am up to and general chat! Archives
April 2018
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