Lately, this question has been playing on my mind. I'm usually not a competitive person, well not extremely competitive. I think it is healthy to have a hint of competitiveness along with a hint of the green eyed monster fro time to time, as long as it encourages you to be the best version of you that you can be. However, recently I've faced a few challenges that have required me to show just how competitive I am and have made me wonder what does it truly mean to win something? Is it a big medal? An expensive car? The latest designer handbag? A 1st place trophy? Some people would probably say, well it depends what you are competing for? Is it a sports competition? Is it a happy life? Is it a healthy life? What if it is all of the above? What if you are trying your best to succeed in every aspect of your life, both professional and personal? Is it even possible to achieve this balance? Up until today, I really thought that the answer was no. I have had many hobbies in the past, karate, piano, guitar, swimming, dancing etc. What is the one thing which all of those things have in common? The answer is simple, they are all in the past, most of which I haven't participated in in years, however the one or two hobbies I do now and again are just that, something I pick back up now and again, nothing stable, sure where would I have the time? Time. That's always our excuse isn't it? Time. A good excuse at that. As the very wonderful yet blunt mother of mine says on a daily basis, you need at least 36 hours in a day to get everything done, and I'm sure she is only talking about the mundane day to day tasks which have to be done, not the fun yet essential things like doing something for you, which most of us, once we hit our "adult years" ( for some people it's 18 for others it's 30!), we almost dismiss the concept of having a hobby as adult life takes over and sure, why would you go to a guitar lesson for an hour when you could have the dinner on and the two bathrooms cleaned in that time? Some would say that the latter is the correct answer, as when you hit a certain chapter of your life, you have to put certain things first. What about putting yourself first? Your own needs and wants, your own desires and indeed spending some time on the thing or things that make you happy. It always comes back to not having enough time, however we tend to forget that we all have the same amount of hours in the day, some of us just know how to manage it to suit both our needs and wants. Technically as I'm writing it's the 7th of July, well 7 minutes into the day. Not a sound in the house (well except a few snores from a certain person's room, hint hint sis!), however there is this feeling of excitement and nerves which is just floating in the air. Although the two emotions, excitement and nervous almost contradict one another, the atmosphere is quite soothing, for the first time in a long time, it feels like everything is ok, like everyone went to bed feeling settled yet eager for the next day to start. The energy is almost like a familiar song playing in the distance, you can here the beat but can't make out the words, you know you recognise the tune but need to be closer to the source of the music to truly identify the song the is playing. ************************************************************************* The emotions and energy in the house last night were the song which I recognise but I don't truly understand why it was here or where it was coming from. The rhythm entered my body and almost forced me to find where the tune was coming from. I listened closely to the beat, allowing my heart to listen and my feet to take me to the direction where this tune is coming from. It took me to the top of my stairs, however my back was to the staircase and I faced the first door on the landing. My hand was almost forced to reach out and push open to see where this energy was coming from and just like that, there she was, my little (taller) sister, snoring her brains out. It was almost like you could see a colourful mist surrounding her, she was oozing with excitement and indeed nerves, and just like that the 20 year old vanished from my eyes, and I was transported back about 14 years ago to a sweaty hall on a cool Autumn Tuesday evening. There she is, Katie running out of her usual drama class hall, however this time, it was different. She was smiling from ear to ear, the excitement almost lifting her from the ground. She has just completed her first Irish dancing class, something which she has begged mam and dad to let her do for a very long time, something which they tried on numerous occasions to talk her out of it, little did they know that where she did drama class hosted an Irish dancing class in the exact hall during the week. Something which they really tried to avoid, only took one class to impact all of our lives for 14 years. I don't know why Katie fell in love with dancing so much, I really don't know because she wasn't a natural. I really don't mean that in a bad way, but seriously, for a woman who can solve the most complicated maths equations known to man she really doesn't have natural rhythm, well at least she didn't at the beginning. Some girls and boys are natural dancers, just like someone who is naturally good at school or at sports, they don't know why or how they just have this gift, something which Katie for years really focused on the fact that she didn't have, she wasn't a natural dancer, however no matter how many times she was told this, she never ever gave up. Don't get me wrong, like any relationship in life, Katie and her love of dancing had many many ups and downs. There was many a time where Katie threatened to give up because she couldn't get a step, or the times where she sulked off the stage and hid in a corner because she didn't feel like she got the result she deserved, and whether she deserved first place or last place isn't the point, the point is this, no matter how tough things got or how down in herself she felt, she never ever gave up. For some people this may seem a little dramatic, and it may be difficult for some people to get their heads around, but those people don't realise the love, blood, sweat and indeed tears that goes into dancing. Just like any sport which Irish dancing is, and believe you me if you saw Katie's calf muscles you would agree, it is like a full time job. They train at least 3 times a week, they have to work out on top of that and healthy eating is crucial, meaning Katie has had many an affair with a 3 in 1 curry and diet coke! It is something that although I begged my mam and dad for years to let me try, looking back now I wouldn't have the commitment nor the endurance for something so tough because believe you me it isn't for the faint hearted. Like everything else in life, dancers face quite a lot of knock backs in regards to no placing as high as they would like to. As well as that, they face a lot of injuries, both in training and even on the stage during a competition, something which Katie unfortunately is all too familiar with. She has had many injuries over the last 14 years, but it was never the injury itself that affected her, it was always the struggle afterwards, training and fighting to get back into shape and to get back the fitness levels that are required, while learning new steps and catching up on the other dancers who have been carrying on on center stage while Katie was watching from the side lines with an injury. When people meet my blonde partner in crime, they see an incredibly out going, out spoken and indeed beautiful human being, both inside and out. She walks with her head held high in a confident manner and never shy's away from the opportunity to make new friends. Rewind 14 years ago when she starting dancing, she always walked in and out of the dance class with her head to the ground, minding her own business, and struggling to make friends. No she has just completed her second year of her Teacher's degree, with an overall first and is the most popular girl I know, watching her work the competition room today is a real proud moment for me. I remember her first day of primary school, we were in the same school but on two different yards. I remember as the first lunch bell rang I ran to the yard line to see if I could catch a glimpse of her, to see if she was ok. She wasn't crying or upset, I was because I knew how shy and quiet she was, I didn't want her to be alone. Although she said she was ok, I now know that she wasn't, she was quite nervous, however now you could put Katie in the middle of the world and never worry about her, and that is all down to dancing. It has been the thing that has allowed Katie to grow and become the incredible person she is. Although we have are fights and by the end of this wedding I will be shocked if neither of us kill each other, she really is an inspiration to me. Seeing how far she has come, both in her dancing ability and personally makes me so proud of her. I have learned so much from her, some of which being never ever give up. If you love something and work at it, it really doesn't matter what the outcome is, as long as you enjoy what you do and do what it takes to improve your skills or/ability is all that matters. When I have had my down day, I mean my really really low days where I have felt enough is enough, she is honestly the person I look to for strength, she says it as it is and sometimes I hate her for it but it is also what I absolutely adore about her, she is quite to the point and sometimes a bit harsh, but don't underestimate just how much this girl has been through. She has a certain level of strength and composure which at 23 I still don't have and I truly believe it comes mainly from her experience as a top Irish dance Competitor. She always said that she would never leave dancing until she won her Open Championship. For those of you who haven't a clue what that means, it is the highest level of competition you can get to. She has always maintained that she wasn't going to leave before she got her chance on top of the podium, something which I truly believe she is capable of. That's why when she came to me last week and said that today would be her last day competing as a solo dancer, I was completely shocked. It's not that she is leaving because she feels she will never win, because believe you me she is more than capable of doing it, I am clearly not an expert but there is nothing better than watching her perform in her hard shoes, it's absolutely breathtaking. Of course I wouldn't really have a clue if the steps are all perfect or if her feet are pointing enough, but her face lights up, it's her happy place and she truly shines. So why give it up? Although she may be finished competing, she is planning to do her teachers exam to pass on her own skills and knowledge to others, and between her own studies, work and indeed her own life, she has been struggling both mentally and physically to fit it all in, Katie has never done anything if she can't put 150% into it, and by her recent exam results, it's clear she has been putting her all into college and of course dancing, but there is only so many hours in the day. She has had an exceptional year, dancing wise, and I think it's the perfect time to start her next chapter. However, no matter how much she has to do or how much she felt like she couldn't physically fit everything in, for 14 years she has done a pretty good job at keeping everything up, and to be honest, that really motivates me to put my all into my work, blogging, studies etc. Sometimes I feel working part time is too much, and yes we are all different with how we deal with things, however looking at Katie almost pushes me that little bit extra, because no matter what personal battles Katie has faced regarding dancing, and there has been a few over the years, she never never NEVER gave up. She always believed in herself and indeed her passion for dancing. Last year she got a new dancing dress. I was very touched that she got Bambelela on the back of it. Some of you know that I have that tattooed on my foot, it translates to never give up. Yes it was a meaning for her too but it really touched me as I was going through a difficult time. Little did we know when she was designing the dress that it was her last one, how fitting? Over the past 5 years our family has hit many low times, some of which due to my mental health. I can't help feel guilty as I know my health has taking up a lot of my mam and dad's time, and at times it even threatened to take away from some big milestones in Katie's life. Well sis, this is for you. This weekend is yours, no one elses, but yours. I hope you enjoy yourself, no matter what the results are because let's face it, you and mam will be one big tear drop this evening! All that matters is that when you put those hard shoes on and go on the stage for one last time, you just enjoy every single second of it. You have worked hard and have become the most beautoful dancer and person, we are all so proud of you sis, you have no idea how much. So to answer my question, what does it truly mean to be a winner? It means to have worked hard at something, enjoyed every minute of it even when it seemed impossible and most of all you have become a stronger and better person for it, so Katie you are my winner. Love as always, Envelope(sister joke!) Em XX
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