HI Guys and happy New Year! Wow I cannot believe that 2018 is finally here!! We may be only a few days into the new year, but I already know in my heart that it is going to be an amazing year as it is the year where Iwill finally marry my best friend, the year I will become Mrs Stafford. It is almost 2 years ago since Mark proposed to me on Valentine's Day, but it only seems like yesterday! When we set the date all anyone could say was that although it seemed like ages away, that it was going to fly in and boy they were right. I can't believe the year is finally here, but to be honest I am so ready for the busy and exciting year ahead, especially after the terrible end I had to 2017, losing my Nana. I'm not going to go into too much detail about my Nana as it isn't fair on my family, however what I will say is that losing her was the hardest and most devastating thing I have ever had to do. Losing someone is never easy, however losing someone two days before Christmas is absolutely heart breaking, especially when the year of the wedding is finally here, and I know for a fact Nana would have loved to be apart of both the lead up to the wedding and the actual day itself. However, she was sick for a very long time and she is at peace now, although she is not physically here, I know she will always be with me in spirit especially for mine and Mark's big day. My Nana was the most courageous, kind, honest, funny and beautiful woman, both inside and out, that I have ever met. She taught me a lot, and although I would give anything to spend just one more day with her, I am so grateful for the amazing 24 years I had with her, and I know if she was here she would tell me to stop crying and to get on with it. Well Nana, I can't promise that I won't cry ever again over losing you, however I can promise that I am going to put my all into this year and make you so proud of me. No matter what life threw at you, you never stopped believing in yourself, so I am going to carry your work ethic, your love of life and your spirit with me throughout this year. As you can see, losing Nana has driven me to make 2018 the best year that it can possibly be. Don't get me wrong, I am still absolutely heart broken over her and I will never ever forget her, but the last thing I said to her was that I was going to take care of my family and make her proud, so I am ready to fulfill those promises, As this year is the the most important year of my life so far with the wedding, I don't want to set myself 100 resolutions that I am not going to be able to keep. However, I have set myself pledges, which in my eyes are attainable and I have already started working on them. My pledges for 2018 are: To Lose Weight:This is one that I always say but this year, I have to do it. It is the first thing on my list of pledges because it is the one that I 100% need and want to do. The thing that is pushing me to achieve this year more than other years is of course the wedding. I know no matter what weight or size I am on the day of the wedding that won't matter because I know no matter what, I will look and feel beautiful. However it isn't just about that one day, it's about the lead up to it, the Hen's Party with all of my beautiful friends and family, it's the honeymoon, etc., I just want to be able to look back at photos and think, I looked beautiful, instead of thinking ' wow Emma you really should have lost weight, you are the biggest one in the bridal party!' I don't want that. Put the wedding aside, I have put on 3 stone since I met Mark, and in 2017 alone I went up not one but TWO dress sizes, TWO!!! Not only am I seeing the difference in my clothes but I feel it everywhere! My chest hurts when I take the stairs and not the lift to the apartment, my back is constantly sore and my legs are the size of tree trunks. I know it sounds like I am self bashing but for once I am being honest with myself and realistic. A lot of my weight gain is connected to my mental health struggles, but if I keep going the way I am it will not just affect my physical health, but my mental health will suffer also. So I am finally in the zone and although I only went back to Weight Watchers this week I feel in control and excited about my weight loss journey. I am #shreddingforthewedding so watch this space! To spend more time with my loved ones:After losing my Nana, I have been spending a lot of time with my family and friends and to be honest they are the reason I have been getting through the really difficult days. My nana was very family orientated. She loved Christmas because not only was it an excuse to shower her loved ones with gifts but it was the only time throughout the year that the majority of the family could get together and be in the same room. Since losing Nana, everyone in the family is making a huge effort to spend time together, to be there for one another and to show each other how much we love each other. At the moment I can do that as I am not working like crazy, but when busy season in the tour guiding world comes back around soon, I will be forced to miss certain family occasions and outings with my friends. However, I am determined to put my loved ones first and to be with them as much as I possibly can. Our time on this planet is extremely short, and I want to spend it with the people that are there for me during my lows as well as my highs, I want to share my life with the people that love me no matter what, the people that would do anything for me and lastly the people that I love being around. Even if it's for 20 minutes to catch up or a quick phone call, I want to make as many memories as I can with the people who I love before it's too late. To work on a happier & Healthier me:Both inside and out! As you seen with the first pledge, my main thing this year is to lose weight but not only so that I can walk into a shop and fit anything I like on, it's to do with being a healthier and happier version of myself both inside and out, both physically and mentally. My mental health is an absolute roller coaster especially at the minute however, I know from personal experience that I am at my best when I am eating right and regularly exercising, so it seems silly to not to go back to that. By working towards a healthier me inside and out, I know it will require a lot more work than just eating right and going swimming three times a week. It requires going back to basics regarding the tools that help reduce my anxiety and depression i.e keeping a diary, regularly blogging, using the buddhify app and going to yoga every week. Although I only started going to yoga at the end of the year and to be honest I only got to 3 classes, from the first class I could already feel the benefits of it to my mental health, so I am really looking forward to get fully into it from this Thursday! Your health is your wealth and that definitely includes your mental health and this year I want to be able to enjoy every single minute leading up to and of the wedding, so I made the promise to myself to stay on top of my mental health and to get back on track. To throw myself into the blog:As I mentioned above, blogging more is something I have promised myself for 2018. Again, this is something I say every year but blogging helps me to express myself, to let out my anxiety and feelings in a way that I could never do talking to someone and last but not least, it helps so many people too. I say it every year but I truly mean it this time as I have this fire in my belly regarding the blog that I haven't felt in a very long time, I truly believe that the event sparked my love and passion for the blog again. I want to make a difference in our small island. I want to show people that life is worth living, I want to spread positivity and help defeat negativity and most of all I want to provide a platform where people can go to and find help and direction when they feel there is no way out for them. I want to share more of who I am and my life with you guys, the good but more importantly the bad because I want to show people that you can get through anything as long as you have hope because after all #holdonthepainends. To be true to myself:This pledge may be last on the list but it is certainly not the least important one. I am and always have been a people pleaser. I have always wanted people to like me, and I would go to extreme lengths in order to please them and to 'fit in', so much so I have tried to change who I am in order to please others. It is physically and mentally exhausting and it often ends up with me beings used, upset and lonely. Anyone who you feel you have to change for is not worth your time and effort, sadly I have discovered that the hard way but it is true. Why should you change who you are? In the words of Dr. Seuss " Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you." I have had enough of trying to make everyone happy and putting my own feelings and happiness aside, so this year is the year that I stick to my guns and be happy, proud and confident in my own skin. So guys there you have it, my first blog post of 2018 and certainly not my last. The year has started with deep sadness but I am going to try and challenge that emotion into these pledges above! It is not too late to set your own pledges, remember pick things that you want to achieve, that you are passionate about and that will be achievable for you. Happy New Year guys and talk soon! Love EM xx
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January 2018
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