As you can guess from the picture, as of yesterday I am another year older and feeling it! I am still absolutely shattered from Saturday night's antics and I never want to see another jelly shot again! For many people, once you get past the big birthdays like 18, 21, 30, 40, 50 etc., the birthdays in between don't seem so special. They are just a regular day with a few nice gifts and maybe (just maybe) a slice of cake if you're lucky. In my family, no matter what age you are birthdays are always celebrated in some small way, which I usually love but coming up to this year's birthday I really dreaded it. Since I turned 13 I always remember myself and my friends nearly counting down the days until we turned 21, it seemed like such an amazing age. We would be finished school and college, have a secure job, traveled the world, be driving a convertible car and had a family all by the age of 21. It seemed like we would never turn 21, that it was so out of our reach. Now that I am officially an old person( in the eyes of my 13 year old self) at the age of 22, I look back at the past year with great disappointed and disgust. So much for the year where everything amazing and wonderful would happen, so much for having my life sorted and stress free. Of course I know that a 13 year old's fantasy is fair from anyone's reality, I can't help but feel cheated of the past year. Your early twenties are the years that are supposed to bring you joy, adventure and happiness. They should be the years were you discover yourself, let loose, travel the world and make life long friends. Although I have the most fantastic family, an amazing boyfriend and a handful of friends who will always be there for me, I feel like the rest has been taken away fro me, that the year following my 21st birthday was not how it should have been. I had so many plans one of which was to travel across Europe and eventually settle broad, but for reasons which you all are aware of those plans are put on hold. I have had my toughest year yet where I have reached breaking point numerous of times and wanted to give up far too many times. I could sit here and list all of the reasons why I should not celebrate being another year older as I could argue the fact that it could quite possibly be another year of heart break and disappointment. But I am not. Instead I am celebrating this year even more than my 21st birthday. So many obstacles have been thrown in my way, I have left work, I have lost friends, I have had many break downs but here I am a year later and still facing a new challenge as each day comes. Each day that passes I feel stronger and stronger, and I look back at the past year and smile because I am proud of myself. I am so proud of how much I have achieved and of how much I have grown as a person. I am finally in touch with my metal health, I finally know how to handle my feelings and with my new diagnosis this is just the beginning! I may have lost some friends but I have also gained so many true friends and I haven built so many fantastic relationships with people who understand me and care for me even more than I a=have ever imagined. I have learned that with joy there can come sadness and vice versa, but that each emotion you experience there is a reason behind it, and that without these experiences how can we ever expect to grow and develop? Yesterday was the start of a new chapter in my life. I am so excited for what is to come, and although I am still going to take each day as it comes, I am looking forward to next year's birthday to see how much further I have come ! I know this is cheesy and I don't do cheesy, but if this year has taught me anything it is that life is what you make of it, and that everything happens for a reason, we just have to figure out what that reason is, learn from it, smile and move on! Love, Em X
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This page is to keep you all up to date on where I am on my journey, what I am up to and general chat! Archives
April 2018
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