Hi Guys and happy Saturday! I hope you all had a good week and are having an even better weekend! I'm off tomorrow, so I have the Friday feeling today and I can honestly say that the end of the week felt like a lifetime away. The week hasn't been what can be called a steady one, it's had lots of highs, visiting the hotel for our wedding, having a daddy daughter day with dad and a view WOW moments in work. However, on the other hand it also hasn't been shy on some low moments too, one or two bad days in work, low moods and lots of tears. I have always said how scary it is how quickly we forget the good moments the second something negative happens, for intelligent and (usually) caring species, we really are not kind to ourselves! I don't know about you, but for me as soon as there are any signs of anything going wrong or my moods being low, I automatically jump to conclusions and 9 times out of ten, allow the situation to explode in my mind, making things seem much worse than they actually are. For example, this week my emotions were a little bit of a toddler, completely unpredictable with absolutely no clear or reasonable explanation. One minute I was crying on Mark's shoulder, the next I was laughing so hard that my abs (yes I was shocked they were there too!) were in agony. One evening after a quite successful day in work, as soon as I walked in the door, I just felt a wave of sadness take over me and as quick as a click of the fingers I burst into tears. I honestly couldn't and still can't tell you why. Lately I have been getting better at pin pointing I am feeling a certain emotion, and I have been finding CBT extremely helpful in allowing me to just let an emotion happen, sit with it and not let it effect my day. However, this particular evening, I just couldn't seem to find what was causing me to be so upset ( and crazy, sorry Mark!). Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, it's just hormones!! Nothing serious, nothing out of the ordinary just regular HORMONES!!! As soon as I realised that, I started to laugh to myself, proving just how (even more) crazy they can make you. Just two months ago, as soon as I was feeling like that I would have feared that I was going backwards, as if one bad day automatically mean't that I was right back to the beginning of my journey. Some may think that it is the drama queen in me, which there's no denying the fact that I definitely claim first prize for that, however it is just about knowing yourself and growing up, As kids we were always asked are you ok? The answer was always either yes or no, the question "Are you happy or sad?" also gives you the impression that you can only ever be one or the other, that there is no in between. For me as a kid, I was always in search for the the magic key to constant happiness, and I am ashamed to say that it has taken 24 years for me to realise that there is no such thing, we are not robots, we have feelings which can range from extremely happy, extremely sad and ANYTHING in between. The world would be a boring place if it was as black and white as just being happy or sad. Unfortunately though, this isn't explained to children (well at least it wasn't during my school years in my day!), and as you all know, our younger years are our most important as it is what shapes us as people, our views, opinions and personalities. It sounds like common sense, of course we all have a range of emotions, however we all strive to be always happy, which is impossible! However, it doesn't mean that we have to go around being sad all of the time either, no! It means that we have to be ok with all emotions and feelings and not letting our feelings take over as they are just that, feelings, and feelings come and go. You have to be ok with the good, the bad and indeed, the in between. For instance, the other evening when I was feeling a little bit (ok a LOT) emosh, I had to stop myself from jumping to conclusions, before I knew it I had myself back to the doctors, on higher medication and jobless! The whole point is this, one bad day doesn't mean that the days that follow are going to be bad. You need to see a feeling for what it is, recognise why you are feeling like that but don't judge it. Let the feeling live for a bit but don't act on it, just sit with it and then watch it leave just as quick as it came. By not acting on it, you are not giving the feeling power over you, you are not letting it fester and develop into something bigger. Once again, I know this all seems like common sense but as one wise man once said " Common sense is not so common", and I have to say I agree with Voltaire. Sometimes it is the things that seem so simple that can take us a long time to get our heads around. For me reading up on and practicing CBT has made this a lot easier to understand and indeed has made life a lot easier. The fact I was able to stop myself from having, what would have been an unnecessary breakdown fueled purely on fear and utter panic, really showed me how far I have come, however I am not saying that I stop myself from all negative thoughts, but let's just say I am finally learning to take the good with the bad, and indeed everything else in between. So to finish up, the week was one with some really high moments, some low moments and moments which were quite ordinary, making the week overall a good one. Talk to you all soon. Love as always, Em X
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HI Guys!!!! Today is the day I have been waiting for for so long to tell you what I have been working on and the main reason why I have been so busy all summer! The day is finally here, and to be honest, I'm finding it so difficult to type properly so apologies for the extremely bad spelling ( even worse than usual)!! Those of you who have been following the blog since the beginning will know that my journey , like thousands of people in Ireland, has not been a walk in the park. Between dealing with my depression, anxiety , emotionally unstable personality disorder and indeed normal everyday life, it has not been an easy ride, however, I am one of the lucky ones. I found a way to move on, I learned how to deal with my mental health issues and I have picked up tricks along the way which allow me to live life to the fullest. However, I didn't always think that it was possible to live a 'normal' life, truth be told, I didn't think I could carry on living, I couldn't see a future for me and it scares me now to think that. I am extremely lucky that I have the best support system around me, and I always say it to Mark that I truly believe we met when we did for a reason, he was a key part in making my story, one of success. However, although Mark and my family have been my absolute rock throughout the past 5 years, there is another key player in this success story and this is of course Pieta house. Pieta House is a non- profit organisation who everyday work towards the prevention of suicide and self harm. They opened their doors in 2006 and still continue to do incredible work not just in Dublin but throughout the country. Despite the amazing therapy and support they provide not only to the individuals themselves who are going through extremely difficult times, last year Pieta Hosue stepped in to provide the suicide bereavement services that had been previously offered by Console, most of Pieta House's funds come from donations and indeed fundraising. Despite the fact that they host events throughout the year including the incredibly powerful Darkness into Light walk, Pieta House really need all the help that they can get as the more funding they have the more life saving work they can do, because that is essentially what they do, they save lives and I am an example of that! Those of you have who been following me for a while now will know that I have been to Pieta House twice, once for the full course of counselling sessions and the second time for three sessions. Ever since my time at Pieta House I have always said how I want to give back to this fantastic service. I never knew how until earlier on this year when I went to a So Sue Me Beauty and Fashion workshop with Ciara, which of course was hosted by the fabulous Suzanne Jackson- O'Connor. It was an incredible day as I'm sure you can imagine, however it wasn't until the end of the day when we went up to meet the woman herself and get a picture with her that I had a light bulb moment. She was extremely nice to us both, and didn't rush her conversations with anyone, so when it was our turn myself and Ciara mentioned that I have a small blog on mental health. I told her that two days before we went to her workshop that I was ready to stop blogging. I didn't feel good enough, I didn't feel like just under 500 followers was good enough. It was when I heard her own story, how she never gave up when I felt so inspired to keep going. Her answer was what I really needed, she told me to never ever give up in something you truly believe in and care about. That day my love for blogging was sparked up again and although I haven't blogged as much as I would have liked in the past six months or so, I have been working on something else since that day, something which Sue herself, inspired me to do. When I was at my lowest point, I found happiness and indeed inner peace in beauty and fashion. It sounds so silly, but when I was extremely low it was the beauty and fashion bloggers that picked me up and to be honest, it was keeping up with trends and finding myself through those two industries that gave me the courage to keep going. It was people like Sue, and many others, who encouraged me everyday to get up and start each day fresh, whether it was by putting on makeup but staying in the house or getting dressed up nice to just go to the shop across the road, those little things allowed me to get better each day. So after spending the day surrounded by beauty and fashion at the workshop, that's when I finally came up with the best idea to give back to Pieta house; a Ladie's Day filled with beauty, music, fun, afternoon tea and of course some talks on mental health! It has been a lot of work to organise but I have enjoyed every single minute of it and it has killed me to not tell you all about it, but the day is FINALLY here!! This has been the main reason why I have been so quiet blogging wise, but I wasn't slacking! So who, what, where and when? It is a Ladie's Day, Sunday the 26th November in the function room in Boomers Bar, Knockmitten, Clondalkin. It's a day full of Beauty tips and tricks with a make up demo by the fantastic girls from Sharleen Collins Academy, a hair demo by the amazing Lisa from Insane Manes and one or two beauty extras added in on the day. I am also delighted to announce that the beautiful Sarah Boland from Sarah's Struggle to Slim blog (link below), will be joining us and chatting about her own journey regarding weight loss and if this journey has impacted her mental health as well as other talks on mental health including my own tips and tricks to dealing with your anxiety, depression etc. as well as a background into the amazing work that Pieta House do and my own experiences with them. The day will also consist of music by the extremely talented Rachel Greene, Billy Gannon and the evening will be finished up by a performance from the brilliant Stolen City ( link below ). The day will also include a delicious afternoon tea which is very kindly sponsored by Centra Greenpark (www.facebook.com/centragreenpark/) and Boomers Bar (https://www.facebook.com/boomersclondalkin/) ! We will also have a raffle with some amazing prizes including an incredible €500 voucher for Sharleen Collins Academy, beauty hampers, Viking Splash tickets, Croke Park skyline tickets and much much more on the day! Prizes will be given also for the best Facebook and Instagram posts on the day, as well as other competitions on the day, details to follow closer to the event. All of this for just €15!!!! Doors are to open at 1pm with the event starting at 1.30 pm until late evening! It's going to be a great day to spend with those ladies closest to you and with Christmas just a month later, we will be getting you party season ready with our beauty demos! Due to the nature of the event, there are limited tickets so ladies head down to either Boomers Bar Clondalkin, Centra Green Park or contact myself and get your hands on a ticket (designed by the extremely talented NIamh Balfe!) for what is going to be an amazing day for an even better cause! If you can't make the event but would like to help, as tickets are limited, we have other ways that you can contribute i.e raffle tickets, sponsorship etc., more on this to follow soon! The poster above, which was also designed by the amazing Niamh Balfe, has all of the details that you need to know, but if you have any questions on the event or on how to get involved, you can contact me via Facebook, Instagram or email! So guys there you have it! Below are pictures of some of the people you will see on the day and the links to their pages/ websites! That's my news and boy is it a biggie! I am so excited and grateful to the many people involved, as I really couldn't do this without all of your help! Yes it is going to be a day of fun and giggles but more of all it is for a life saving charity, a charity whom without their help I honestly wouldn't be here, as is the same with thousands of others in Ireland. It is gong to be an amazing day and I honestly can't wait to spend it with you all! I really can't contain my excitement so I'm going to say goodbye for now and rool on 26th November!!! Love as always, Em xxx HI everyone and happy Wednesday!
I hope you are all having a good week so far, we are half way there, weekend here we come! Although I posted last week saying I'm back, I have been notability quiet and the reason is that I was too busy sunning myself in the 30 degree heat in Portugal. To be honest, before I went away I had every intention of blogging while away, I had even written posts and had them ready to go, however, when I went to publish them, the blog posts weren't relevant to me or represented my views as such anymore. As each day passed, the more relaxed I became, which I know is the reason why we go away, to relax and try to escape the craziness of our everyday lives. However, the last three years or so, any time I went away especially on a sun holiday, I just physically could not sit still for more than five minutes, so it was so nice this time around to not want to do anything but just sit back, relax and enjoy thinking about nothing and not worrying about anything. Although I enjoyed sitting back and watching the world go by, I decided that I would try to work on 'me' while I was away, and by that I don't only mean working on my tan but on trying to sort out my big mush! This wasn't something I decided before I went away that I was going to do, it was on the first day that I started to think about the past 6 months and at how crazy busy they have been. I felt like I was watching a movie, I was sitting back with the popcorn viewing the ups and (many) downs of the past few months. As the film was coming to an end, it was only then when I realised just how much has happened this year. I also noticed how as each scene played out, the more I fell out of my new found self, i.e. I lost touch with who I had become in recent months, I fell out of mindfulness practice and I stopped putting my mental health first, I fell back into old bad habits which ended up in a very physically and emotionally drained version of myself. All summer I was clinging onto the smell of sun cream, the heat of the sun and the light sea breeze, my sister vacay was the only thing keeping me going. In all honestly, I felt so lost and so out of control this summer that I never thought the 1st of September would come quick enough, however despite that, it wasn't until the rolling credits of my movie were playing that I realised just how much I was struggling, that was also the moment that I decided enough was enough. I wasn't going to let myself get back into that tiring and, what could be, a very dark place. That's when I started reading A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled, by Ruby Wax ( a review coming soon!), listened to my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for dummies cd and pulled out the Buddihify App on my phone, it was time to get back to basics, to try to retrain myself into the things, that for some time, were like second nature to me. The new found ways of coping that for a long time were my lifeline. Since coming home however, living the calm and balance lifestyle I enjoyed on holidays has been almost impossible. Within two days, I quickly realised that it wasn't going to be as easy has I had originally thought, all of the sudden I was overcome with fear and even tears, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope with the stress of everyday life, I was afraid that I was going backwards and that the chilled vibes I experienced on holidays were non existent at home. It's scary how quickly your mind can just jump to negative thinking and bad habits in about ten seconds, and this really freaked me out. I started to fear that no matter how much I practiced mindfulness or read books on this practice that I would never find the ( not to sound cheesy) inner peace that I have been in search for. My thoughts started to sprint around my head, like a race dog making it's way around the track. All of the negative thoughts multiplying by the second, not giving me a chance to make sense of any of them. Within two minutes, I let those negative thoughts block out all of the positivity I had found while away, and indeed any logic in my head. It wasn't until I was in counselling on Monday when I realised that living a stressful and busy life is EXACTLY why concepts like Mindfulness and CBT were developed, to make hectic lifestyles a little bit easier to deal with. If life was always like a holiday, well then we wouldn't need these things and to be honest, life would be quite boring. It's when you develop the ability to step away from a stressful situation, take a deep breathe and not let the stress and your emotions, in that moment have a huge impact on you, that even the stressful moments in life start to become enjoyable. So after all of that, what does it mean to be 24? To be honest, the next year is going to be the most stressful yet most important and magical years of my life. Despite the fact that so many incredible moments are going to happen, I know that those moments will also come with some not so easy times, however I am determined to not let those handful of down moments take away from the incredibly high moments that the next year has to offer. I feel like turning 24 has finally allowed me to have that light bulb moment that I have been waiting for. I now know that it is possible to go through stressful times without being in a constant state of upset, angry and indeed stress, but it is up to me to make sure I don't allow the slightly difficult times to build up and take over my space in my head. SO the plan for this year.... it's simple, just be the best version of me that I can be, oh and most importantly, live in the moment! Love as always, Em XXX |
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This page is to keep you all up to date on where I am on my journey, what I am up to and general chat! Archives
April 2018
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