Hi Guys! So as you know, two weeks ago I had another appointment in the Clondalkin Mental Health Centre. After my episode in August I was referred to Tallaght Hospital however they referred me straight away back to Clondalkin Mental Health Centre. At the beginning I was not happy about being referred back to there because the last time I was there I left feeling ten times worse then I felt going in. We recieved no help the last time and were sent packing with no help at all. Although they did find my diagnosis I wasn't told until four months later, so I had my doubts about heading back to them. Another reason why I felt unsure was because I didn't think there was any point going to it. When I was referred after my episode, I didn't know my diagnosis. However now I do and I have been working on it everyday and I am feeling myself get back to normal. However, myself and my mam decided to go because what did we have to lose? At first we met another doctor, she was so nice. I just described the episode, what happened and how I have been feeling since then. From there we headed into another consultant, who was the same person I saw the first time, to see where we could go from here. When I first sat down the doctor asked me what I wanted to achieve in this meeting which I replied with wanting to know more about my diagnosis, where I can go from here and if Borderline Personality Disorder is my correct diagnosis. Although from reading up on this diagnosis I feel it is the right one, I can't help but question it seeing as I wasn't told when the diagnosis was first found. However this time around it was completely different. The last time we were told that just long term counselling would help, however although I find counselling helpful, I feel like it isn't as helpful as it was before. I have tried different counselors but I feel I need another type of therapy or different approach to counselling. Maybe it is just that fact that I have a better understanding of what I am going through and how to deal with this illness. Maybe it is that I am too aware of the techniques in regular counselling that they have no effect anymore. Whatever it is, I need a change. I can't keep living in the dark and pretending that counselling is helping me. The doctor and psychiatrist both saw how desperate I was to find help and to try to end this constant circle of changing counselors and still not finding something that helps in a major way. I sat there and cried for a half an hour, explaining the hell myself and my family have been living. I don't know how I am going to be from one minute to the next never mind from one day to the next! I over analyse EVERYTHING from the way someone says hello, to the way they text and to the way they look at me. I am constantly worrying and causing myself to feel so ill and sick everyday. It is a struggle to leave my house most days and to tell you the truth I can barely shower when I am in the house by myself as I am afraid someone will break into the house! I know it sounds crazy but these are the things that go through my head. I think it was the flood of tears and the desperation in my voice that changed the tone of the psychiatrist. They said that they offer numerous types of therapy, however not DBT or CBT, that help people who suffer from Personality disorders. They said they would put my name down on the waiting list for an assessment to see if their therapy would help me. The waiting list is months long, so in order to make sure I am ok they have given me an appointment as an outpatient for November with their doctor to touch base. We left this appointment much more aware and content as we FINALLY felt like we had been listened to. It is going to be a long wait for the assessment but at least I am finally being treated like a person and not a number!! No one should have to ask for help twice, if they had of treated me as well the first time four months of hell and torture could have been avoided. However I have learned from this experience that everything happens for a reason and that what if's aren't going to help. What will help is to focus on the future. Take it from me, if you have a gut instinct like I did that it was not just depression I had, keep searching for the answer because it is there you just have to stay focused and determined, it is worth it!!! Love Em X
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
What is this page?
This page is to keep you all up to date on where I am on my journey, what I am up to and general chat! Archives
April 2018
Categories |