It is funny (and scary) how quickly life changes, how our situation, relationship status, work etc., can just change over night. Think back to this time three years ago, how different is your life now compared to then? How different is your life now to how you thought it would be three years ago? For most people I would guess the answer is 100% different, worlds apart. Between losing friends and loved ones, to welcoming new friends and loved ones, changing career, finishing/ starting college, moving out, moving to a different country etc., the list of things that could have changed for you is endless. For me, a lot has changed in the space of three years. One thing for sure is that this time three years ago I had no job. I had to leave work in the April due to my mental health. I was only at the start of my journey, everything was only fairly new to me, I was trying different medication, trying different counsellors and most of all I was trying to figure out who I could trust in terms of friends, I was lonely, lost and confused. I didn't know what I wanted and I genuinely could not see a way out from the dark hole I was in. If you asked me where I thought I would be in three years time, I think my answer would have been far from where I am today. Never in a million years did I think I would be living with Mark never mind getting ready to marry him in 7 weeks. I certainly didn't think that tomorrow would be the first day of a stable and secure job. However, above all of that, I never thought I would see the day where I was well. Really really well and happy! I am no longer on medication, meaning that when I do feel anxious or down, I am able to deal with it by means of mindfulness, counselling, exercise and healthy eating. I no longer rely on medication, which at times made me feel numb. Now when I feel nervous and anxious I am OK with those emotions and feelings now, they no longer scare me or make me feel like I will never get through them. I remember any time I felt a little bit low or nervous, emotions which are part and parcel of every day life, I would automatically fear that I would always feel anxious and depressed, that I would never truly know what it is like to be happy and well again! To think that I had to leave work because I couldn't get the luas or bus into town for work on my own without having a panic attack and now tomorrow, I start a new job, right in the center of town. I am nervous, anxious and excited, lots of emotions for someone who couldn't feel one without freaking out. I am actually looking forward to heading in tomorrow, to being back in town. I haven't a clue what my job is going to involve but I feel that things are finally coming together for both Mark and I. I never really bought the "You are where you are mean't to be" train of thought until the last few years. Anything I have done career and college wise the last few years has really helped me to build back up my confidence and self esteem. Everything I have done, has really made me feel proud of who I am and of who I have become. The last three years, especially the last 12 months has shown me who my real friends are, who I can trust and who I can turn to when I need to. I have learned a lot over the past three years about mental health in general and in particular, my mental health i.e. my triggers, what makes me feel low, what makes me feel better etc. The main thing I have discovered is that mental health affects a lot more people that we think it does, however it is different for every single person. Some people suffer in silence, too many in fact, while others, find it is easier to talk to someone. To some extent it is OK to not be OK but it is not OK to always feel alone and that you can not talk to someone. It is not OK to feel like the world would be better without you. It is not OK to suffer in silence. The main thing that I have learned, is that mental health does not define you, it is a small part of you but not all of who you are. You should be proud of who you were, how far you have come and of who you are now. I am so so proud of how far I have come, and I am really looking forward to the next three years to see where I end up. The important question is, where do I think I will be? The answer is simple, I don't know where I will be however I hope I am happy, healthy and as cringe as it sounds, living life to the full! I may have a bad day now and again, but I know the good days will outweigh the bad! So here's to another exciting and unknown three years! Love as always, Em X
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This page is to keep you all up to date on where I am on my journey, what I am up to and general chat! Archives
April 2018
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